let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
