Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
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I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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