Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Randomize
