I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am mentally ready for anal.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
