you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
