I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
