I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
