I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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