decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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