sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
