What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
