Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
