I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
