Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
