So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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