at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
