I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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