Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
