Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
