no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
God I need to hump something, right now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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