my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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