My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So much Jack, so little girl.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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