just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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