You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
