I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
