Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
