I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
