He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
