You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
