Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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