Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
