Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
