just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
