Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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