She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
