help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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