I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
