I am in a vortex of obligation.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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