I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
