We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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