All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
