"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
