3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
