Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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