There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
