One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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