then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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