is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
