I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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