She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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