It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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