He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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