seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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