If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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