I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
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Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
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I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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