dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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