tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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