I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
