I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
