Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
