I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
