Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
