my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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