Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
