just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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