i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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