just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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