wrigley field is MILF paradise
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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