If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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