I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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