I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize