The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
