Duck Duck Cougar?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
