I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
