Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
